Back to Routine! September 5, 2008

Well, this week has certainly been an interesting one for me.  The kids went back to school on Tuesday, and the transition has been AMAZING.  I have been so anxious about Abby’s transition to grade one.  But my fears were unfounded, she has done great!  I’m so proud of her.  Logan has done very well too.  Both have had some difficult moments, but it’s a hard transition to go from being home all summer back to the school routine.  But my kids are rockstars and handle it like pro’s! 

Justus also started preschool this week.  He had a ‘test run’ for a few weeks over the summer, but this was the start of the new school year.  However, there has been a slight hiccup in the plan, he has chicken pox!  Yikes.  So now we’re waiting for Emma and Faith to come down with them too.  He was excited to be there on Wednesday, so hopefully he’ll be back to his routine too!   I can’t get over how much he talks and interacts.  It is such a different experience for us, than with Logan and Abby.  We never really knew what we were missing.  I’m sure preschool will change him too.

Emma and Faith are having a grand time being home with mommy.  Faith just started on cereal this week, and she’s mastering it quickly!  She loves it.  Emma is so cute, and has really been coming into her own this week.  She’s such a drama queen, but then she learns so well from Justus, so it’s really not surprising!  I think she likes all the attention on her, and that I have more time to devote to her now that everyone is in school.

Confession Time…. August 29, 2008

I have some confessions to make.  I’ve never outgrown “teenager room”.   The furniture may be more elegant, but the “stuff” never finds it’s proper home at the end of the day.  I can keep it clean for a day or maybe two and then something happens.  The dressers empty themselves out.  Every piece of mail;flyers, bills or newspapers, finds its way to my room and about 100 of the kids toys get thrown in because someone is using it as a weapon, or a climbing apparatus or it gets dropped on the way to the bathroom.  Laptops and all the components finds their way as well.  And suddenly, my very large master suite turns into a teenagers room filled with junk.

So today, I decided to clean my room again.  This time however, a rule was put in place.  You see, Steve lives by “rules”.  He likes clear boundaries, so today we set up a boundary one we are both required to follow.  There will be no bedtime for mom and dad while the room is not picked up and clear of debris.  It has been driving me crazy!  There is nothing worse than feeling chaotic in a room that is supposed to be your “sanctuary”.  Let me tell you, with 5 kids, we NEED a sanctuary.  

My second confession:

I am really looking forward to Tuesday and the start of school.  I really wish I could be one of those moms who just LOVES having her kids around and is saddened when school starts…but truth be told I really need the mental break that school provides.  I do love having my kids around, but everyone has such demanding needs that by the end of the day I am totally spent.   Between autism, terrible twos, curious ones and demanding infants…whew.  We have definitely had great moments this summer, but for anyone who has a child with special needs, you know that breaks in routine aren’t always what is best for them.

July’s moments July 27, 2008

So I am beginning to think that July will be the oddest, most stressful month of our year.  Some of you who read Steve’s blog may just need to skip this post.  You read earlier this month about our “vacation”, that one really couldn’t call vacation…it was more stressful than an average week of work!

On Wednesday July 16, at 11 AM, our dog Milo went back to the organization we received him from and was then adopted by the family who raised him as a puppy.  Unfortunately Milo was having some difficulty in our home, and due to the high standards service dogs are held to, they decided to release him from the program.  This doesn’t happen often, but unfortunately it does happen.  We all miss him like crazy and it was so hard to let him go.  Behaviours and all, he was part of our family.  When he left, it wasn’t guaranteed that we’d be receiving another dog so it added greatly to the sense of loss.  (we did get the approval this past week that we would in fact be receiving another dog).  That same evening we got a call around 8:45 PM from Children’s Aid Society.  Faith would be arriving in our home sometime before the end of the month as the foster mom was going on vacation.  Now this phone call in and of itself is quite difficult.  Because on one hand, we are both TOTALLY excited about having Faith here with her siblings.  On the other hand, it meant bad things had happened with my brother and his girlfriend.  Adding to this phone call, all the emotions of having Milo leave earlier in the day…it was HARD, emotional, long day!  I was utterly spent.

The next day we got a call saying that Faith would be arriving the following Monday.  WOW!  We went into turbo mode of organizing, cleaning, switching rooms, setting up cribs and wardrobes, doing the laundry etc…it was a bit hectic.  Thank goodness for mom’s on vacation!  I couldn’t have got nearly as much done as I did without my mom.

It’s now been about a week since Faith’s arrival, and we are adjusting well to 5 kids.  The first night all 3 girls were awake at 2:30…NOT good.  But things seem to have found their groove now.  Never in a million years had I dreamt that I would be mom of 5.  It’s really quite incredible.  I find myself sitting back every once in awhile and realize just how truly outnumbered I am now!  I find the odd number of kids the most difficult…I found 1 harder than 2, 3 harder than 4 and now 5 the most difficult of all.  We went for a walk as a family the other night, and all I could liken us to was a convoy, with our strollers and kids.  I’m sure it was quite a sight (difficult though too because it was the first time I’d been out for a walk without Milo, I definitely felt like I as missing something!)

Adding to my stress, because I never seem to do things in normal sequential order, we decided to tackle potty-training with Justus.  I must admit though, it’s been fairly easy (mind you it is only the 2nd day!)  But he is doing amazing, only a couple of accidents.   Logan was the same phenomenon.  They were both just ready.  They like being OUT of diapers.  It’s pretty awesome.   I didn’t tell Steve I was starting (I didn’t know until that morning when Justus was fighting me to put his diaper on).  I had sent Steve to Walmart that morning for diapers and he bought two packs of diapers thinking Justus was NOWHERE near ready, to arrive home to “guess who’s not in diapers! and had NO accidents”  It was a pretty classic moment.  Something I do to him rather often.

I really hope this month is the most stressful of this year because if there is another month full of MORE stress than this, I’m going to go insane!  There’s been good mixed in with the difficult, so that makes it easier, but it’s still hard.  I’m really looking forward to watching everyone grow up.  There are already such special bonds between the kids….it’s awesome to see Justus and how much he loves on Baby “bafe” as he calls her.  Emma is struggling the most with the transition but even she is warming up to her sister.  Logan and Abby in their own way are accepting Faith as well.  It warms my heart to have a house full of kids, knowing fully that this is how it was intended to be.  I’m thankful that we can offer a safe home to Justus, Emma and Faith.  I do wish my brother would’ve been able to do it himself, as I’m sure that we would have adopted a sib group irregardless, but knowing that my nieces and nephew are available to nana and papa…it’s really priceless.

Our Faith has Arrived July 27, 2008

Updates July 11, 2008

It sure has been awhile since I last posted, and it’s not from lack of events to write about.  The last month has been filled with so many ups and downs.   

My uncle passed away at the end of June, so Steve and I headed down to Niagara to be with family.  My aunt is such a strong woman, for so many reasons.  She allowed herself the time to grieve, knew when to reach out for help when needed, but also knew when to take time just for her.  I am really going to miss Uncle Lee, he filled a special place in my life, I may have other uncles, but he will always be my favourite.  He was a great man, whose laugh I can still hear even now.

I wish I had brought my camera with me to Niagara though.  For two reasons, one is the hotel room we stayed in.  It was as cheesey as cheesey can be!  It came complete with a red heart-shaped jacuzzi.  Good ol’ Niagara Falls for you!  But it was in our price range, and it was a place to lay our head.  The second reason, which is actually the only reason I wish I had my camera, is that I was able to visit Faith.  It was great to see her, and see how well she’s doing!  She is a chunky monkey!  We had a nice snuggle as she slept on my shoulder, I still have the touch :D  I met her foster mom, who is a wonderful woman who is loving on Faith as much as possible.  Such a blessing.

Steve started vacation the week following our trip to Niagara, and it sure has been interesting.  I’m not sure any part of these past two weeks can be considered vacation.  One day of the first week where we went out with a wonderful couple for dinner, it was the first time in years that we went for dinner with another couple.  I hope we can do it again soon.  That first week, Logan had a fever for almost 90% of the week.  Which we found out was due to a throat infection.  Poor kid, first week of summer vacation, and he’s sick on the couch!

Steve and I planned on spending a few days in Chesley at my parents house, doing some day trips, however that got cut short for a few reasons.  We had another respite worker quit, so brought Emma and Milo with us to make things easier for Kati.  Emma doesn’t travel well, so we decided to just stay at my parents house.  We arrived there on Sunday morning.  On Monday morning, we got a call that a wonderful woman from our church passed away, Beth Bartlett, and the funeral would be on Friday.  So Steve made a trip back to Meaford on Tuesday to visit with the family and work out any details, while I stayed on at my parents.  We had planned on us both coming back to Meaford on Wednesday, but at 6:15 AM that morning we got a call that we were to call Steve’s mom right away!  Her house had been broken into and they rooted through her bedroom while she was sleeping!!!  So Steve had left to go to Niagara to spend the day with her, while my dad drove me to Meaford. 

Thankfully Audrey slept through the whole ordeal.  I shutter to think at what could have been if she had been woken up while they were in her room.  She is obviously shaken up and a bit anxious, but can laugh it off because “all” they took were cigarettes and a lighter.  Steve and I are trying to talk her into moving up here.  We’d like to tear down our garage, and rebuild to make her a granny suite.  We feel so helpless being 4 hours away. 

Today I have seen Steve for maybe 3 hours.  Between a funeral and a wedding rehearsal, he’s been at the church for most of the day.  Tomorrow we go to a wedding, and Sunday is rest rest rest!  Well, as much as you can with 4 kids around!  Steve is looking forward to returning to work, just for relief from his vacation!!!

Cleaning… June 19, 2008

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I’d been ‘computering’,
And I had to answer ‘yes.’

He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up…
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick…
I was just admiring my work..
I didn’t mean to ‘click.’

But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site.
That I got SO way into it.
I was into it all night.

Nothing’s changed except my mouse
It’s very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess…
While I sit here on my hiney.

The Dad’s in my Life. June 15, 2008

Today I wanted to pay tribute to a couple men in my life.  The first, my dad.  My dad is a great guy, I feel so blessed to have him in my life.  As I have become an adult, I’ve come to treasure it so much more.  You see, as a child my dad was not the same person he is today, although he was in transition at that point.  My dad struggled when we were children, with an addiction.  He was an alcoholic.  There are passing pictures in my memory, of things I remember hearing and seeing, knowing that as a child some of those things were probably skewed by vivid imagination.  One thing I do know, it wasn’t always the happiest home.  But something remarkable happened, my dad decided to get help and went into a 30 day rehab program.  It was there that the relationship with my dad changed.  It is the first time I remember my dad telling me that he loved me.  I’m sure he had said it before, but it meant the most after that because I knew he hadn’t been drinking and so it stuck.  The tears in his eyes, and the fact that he was making eye contact with ME, changed everything.  Watching my dad now as “Papa” to my kids, seeing how much he tries, and how happy he is with them.  I’m so thankful for his change.  I may not have fully benefited as a child from his change, there may have been opportunities missed with him because of his addiction, but now, as an adult I’ve come to appreciate and reap the benefits more than I had ever dreamt possible.  Thank you dad, thank you for all that you are.  I love you very much.

The second man, Steve.  So much can be said of Steve as dad.  He goes above and beyond the call of duty, and always has from day one.  I thank God every day that Steve is the kind of dad that he is.  With all of the challenges in our life, with our kids, we couldn’t have done it without Steve being the person that he is.  I know many women would love a husband like Steve who doesn’t balk at taking care of 4 kids, all with some sort of ’special need’.  He recognizes and gives me the space I need when he sees that I cannot take another moment of a screaming child.  But more than all of the doing, it’s a state of being for Steve.  The love he lavishes on the kids, in forms of tickles, hugs, kisses, piggyback rides, spoken words and in silence twinkles in his eye, I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to raise the kids that we have.  Thank you Steve, thank you.  It may frustrate me at times, but know that I appreciate all that you do.

Laminin June 2, 2008

This is an amazing video.  It’s 8 minutes long, but please watch it.  It is very powerful. 

A Day to Remember June 1, 2008

It was eight years ago today that Steve and I lost our first child, whom we named Kennedy.  We had just passed that “12 week” mark, you know, that milestone that every pregnant woman breathes a sigh of relief over.  Well, on the morning of May 30, I wasn’t able breathe sighs of relief.  I had started to bleed and was very crampy.  We went to our local hospital at the time, and waited 24 hours in emergency.  I was placed on an IV, I wasn’t allowed to eat, as they were expecting that I would be going for a D&C.  It was a long 24 hours.  When we went in for the ultrasound, I knew it wasn’t good when they brought the radiologist into the room during it.  Our baby had died.  I knew that I wouldn’t ever be the same again. 

In that heart-breaking time I learned a lot, about myself, about Steve, and how deep our faith was rooted within us.  I remember praying (and I really use that term loosely because it was more thinking to myself) God, I’d really just like to go home, and I would like to pass this baby naturally”  That was it.  There was nothing formal about it, it was basically a sigh within my heart.  But both of those requests were answered.  I was able to leave the hospital within an hour of that, and was given the weekend to see if my body would abort the baby.  And it did, eight years ago today.

In the weeks that followed, I was not myself.  In times like that though, I often find myself at a computer or sitting down with a pen and pad of paper and I write.  Sometimes poetry, sometimes letters, sometimes I sit at a blank page for hours, other times it’s all out in a matter of minutes.  About two weeks after that day I penned this poem.

My Little One

You were only here a short while,
I fell in love with you
you were my precious joy,
I was consumed by maternal feelings

I longed to hold you in my arms,
to feel your soft skin
to smell that sweet baby smell
You were my everything

You are deeply loved though you’ve passed away
A mothers love will not be hindered
You will stay close to my heart forever
You are my little one. 

Prayers Please! May 22, 2008

 

This morning I got a call from my mom.  My uncle Lee was rushed to emergency yesterday and had to undergo emergency surgery.  Right now he is in ICU, and the next 48 hours are quite critical.  He was already weak before the surgery, so he’s got an uphill battle ahead of him.  I’d appreciate your prayers both for my uncle and his family.  My Auntie Laura, and their 2 sons and 4 beautiful grand-daughters.   It’s a difficult time for all of them.  They really need God’s peace to envelope them.